You’ll feel silly when you say this out loud

And it may be the best thing for you

How would you feel if you had made a couple of deals involving at least a couple million dollars? I’m guessing you’d probably feel pretty good. I know I would. However, a woman I spoke to the other day did not feel good or the least bit positive.

Only compare you to you

She felt like crap. She was upset by her lack of progress and was beating herself up about it. She wasn’t making the sales and that she wanted to and in her eyes, she wasn’t at the level of others around her. It was significantly impacting her. She was frozen when it came to making cold calls that would help to generate new leads for her business.

I was curious to know more about one guy in particular that she was comparing herself to, and who had been doing incredibly well in his business.

Me: How long has he been in business?

Her: Three years.

Me: How long have you been working your business?

Her: One month.

As soon as she said this, and heard the words out loud, she realized how silly it sounded. Yet until that moment, she really, truly believed she was failing in her business. And this after one month where she had already closed a couple of significant deals.

I’m sure we can all relate to her experience in some way. We see someone else rocking it in life, their career or their business and we look at our lives, careers and businesses and wonder why the heck we aren’t seeing the results that they are. We beat ourselves up and the little voice inside our head starts yipping. And not in a good way. Here are the most common voices my clients and I tend to work on together:

I must be doing something wrong.

I’m not good enough.

I’m lazy.

I’m stupid.

We conveniently forget everything that we’ve accomplished and focus only on the things that apparently prove what failures we are.

This is poison. It seeps from our minds into our actions. We achieve what we believe. If we believe we’re pieces of crap, we’ll behave in a way that proves this and we’ll end up getting what we believe we deserve. Our beliefs manifest in our words, our actions, our tone of voice. They lead us to get a sick feeling in the pit of our stomachs. To start clicking through the part-time job postings when we should be making client or prospecting calls that will help our business thrive. They keep us from doing the most important things that will help us to achieve what we most want.

Here are the critical elements for you to remember.

You have no idea what the other person has been doing. You have no idea how much they have hustled to get where they are now. You don’t know how much work they needed to do to create a winning mindset.

If you’re like most everyone else, there will always be someone who is more successful than you. There will always be someone who is less successful than you. And there is someone right now who is looking at what you have achieved wondering why they haven’t yet done what you have. Really.

It can help to remember that everyone feels like they aren’t good enough from time to time.

It’s completely and absolutely in your best interest to change your mindset. Immediately. To believe inside and out that you can do this. That you are doing the right things. That you are making progress. That you are smart.

It takes time and a concerted effort to address this.

The only person you need to compare yourself to is you. That’s it. Be better this week than you were last week. Get more uncomfortable today than you were yesterday. Stretch more in this minute than you stretched the last. Focus on each and every win.

Keep a diary or a journal or a white board of all of your successes. All of them. Write all of your wins down and post them where you can see them. Keep them prominent. Honour those wins. Be grateful and thankful for the wins you’ve achieved so far. Review those wins every day. Review them when you notice you’re comparing yourself to others, and smile. You are making things happen for yourself.

And that is a beautiful thing.

If you found this valuable, I would be grateful if you shared it with others who may need to hear just this message today.

Mistakes that make us stronger

Recently I found myself hours into a project. It seemed so simple when I started, and yet it became this thing. It grew and became more complicated that I thought in the first place. I’m sure we can all relate to a moment like that. Where we start something with good intentions, or with the intent to save ourselves some time and money by just doing it ourselves. And then realizing we had it totally backwards. That we completely wasted our time by default our money by doing something that we didn’t have any business doing in the first place.

You can see my in-the-moment perspective in the video I posted to Facebook here.

Here is my takeaway for you. Don’t do it. That thing you think will take you 30 minutes or an hour that would cost you $20, 50, 100, will cost you much more in your time. Because we both know that it’s going to take a minimum of double or triple that time. Time that you can spend with your loved ones or doing something that you love like (ahem) drinking wine.

Your challenge the next tine you face this decision: hire someone else to do it. Cough up the cash, save your sanity and just get it done.

I look forward to connecting with you on Instagram and Snapchat. Follow me or send me a connection request. I’m @erinacton in both places.

Want to leave your job? Watch this.

I speak to a lot of people who daydream about leaving their current job to start a business. Alison Forster is someone who has done just that.

do it

After about 20 years in corporate world, it got to a point where she could no longer keep doing what she had been doing. She saved up a nest egg and made the leap, leaving the corporate world and its accompanying six-figure salary, moved across the continent, stopped what she calls “destination obsession”, started her new business, and began her new life.

In this interview, she shares how she made it happen. Enjoy.

Alison’s company, OOMPHATICO™, works exclusively with Military personnel and First Responders affected by Operational Stress Injuries — including Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) — to “drop the baggage” through the application of cutting edge Trauma Neutralising Techniques (TNT).

www.oomphatico.com

https://www.facebook.com/oomphatico/

https://twitter.com/OOMPHATICO

oomphatico at gmail dot com

+1 (250) 891 6060

No time for you? The one essential move to find it.

How do I find the time to __(fill-in-the-blank)__? I get this question a lot. Or clients will ask, “How do I do all of these things?” Or they’ll say something like this: “Everything I do is important! Everything! And I don’t have time to get it all done! Never mind adding something extra like going for a walk!” Sound familiar?

No time

The question of how to find the time came up at a recent speaking engagement I gave to a group of businesswomen.

“How do I find the time to go for a walk?”

Most of us tend to believe that we need more time. I’m guilty of this myself every once in a while. Wishing for more time.

“If I only could get this stuff done, then I could do that little something for me.”

What you don’t realize is that if you magically happened to get an extra hour, you would most likely fill it with more work. More email. More laundry. More dishes.

And you’d be happy about it!

For a little bit, at any rate. Until the hour is over and you realize that the emails will keep coming, the laundry and dishes will keep piling up, and your to-do list will keep growing.

At its core is the, “if/when this happens, then I can” thinking.

When we approach life with this mindset, we end up spending a lot of time wishing and waiting and having things happen to us. We become responder. We are at the mercy of things like time and circumstances.

Here is the other thing. And you may not like this.

People don’t realize they’re really asking this, “How do I set aside time for me when I continue to choose to put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own?”

You don’t have the time to do everything for everyone and everything else like your family, your job, your business and still have time left over for yourself.

You really and truly don’t.

Here is the essential move to change this. It’s not necessarily easy. But it’s incredibly simple.

You MAKE the time.

You make it. You decide. You choose. No one else. Email doesn’t control you. The dishes aren’t howling out for you to wash them. No one is putting a gun to your head to reply to those emails. You control and choose where you spend your time.

Time is not something that happens to you. It’s not something that you manage. You manage yourself within the time that you have.

You don’t have the time. You make the time.

You may need to take time away from something else. You’ll have to make what may feel like difficult choices. I know what that’s like. To get vulnerable: when I was struggling with stress, overwhelm and burnout it really felt like I NEEDED to answer email immediately. It felt like there was no way I could take a walk because I was terrified that something would happen while I was away from my computer and wouldn’t be able to respond right away. I did not have the time. What I didn’t realize is the stress left me in a near-persistent fight/flight mode, and left me incapable of making good decisions while lack of sleep further impaired my judgement and slowed my reaction times. I realized I needed to make a change when had a close call driving to work one day.

I had to ask myself some really hard questions: what good was I to my job or my family if I was dead? How much could I contribute and live my purpose if I wasn’t healthy?

It was my responsibility to make a change. Not just for me and my future, but for my family. I needed to make the time.

Choosing to walk instead of answering emails were incredibly tough those first several times. But when I realized that I could go for a walk without the world ending, it got much easier. And it will for you too.

I invite you to ask yourself those same hard questions. What will your contribution and impact on the world be if you keep putting everyone else’s needs before your own? Imagine being able to contribute your gifts to the world at a higher level than you can now simply by making time for you.

For those who are plagued by guilt when you do things for your mental, physical and emotional health consider this. You’re not actually doing it for you. When you make positive changes in your life, it positively affects everyone around you.

So don’t make the time for you about you. Don’t spend an hour at the massage therapist, or sit in a bubbly tub with the door closed and ear plugs in for you alone. Remember what you’re doing it for.

That’s it.

You don’t have the time. You make the time.

 

If you found this useful, I encourage you to share it. You never know who might need to hear this exact message today.

3 quizzes you must complete to know how stressed you are

You can feel it in your chest, shoulders and neck. You’re wired and tired: strung out from the caffeine and adrenaline but worn out from doing it all. What more can you do? What should you stop doing? How can you know? That’s where a stress test can help you.

hang on by a thread

Image by imelenchon used with permission.

You’ll likely have an idea of where things aren’t working, but when you’re chronically stressed out and overwhelmed, your brain doesn’t function at its best. In fact, the changes are startling.

A stress assessment can help you find out where you are good at supporting yourself and where you could be sabotaging your efforts to get it all done. I’ve been there. When I led the communications for a $50M company, I often felt overwhelmed and stressed out. When I did the assessments, I realized I could adjust in small but significant ways to improve my resiliency and manage stress better.

The assessments

Here are a few assessments from reputable sources that I have found to be helpful:

1. Stress Vulnerability Test by the Stress Management Society out of the UK. It will tell you if you’re prone to negative stress impacts and offers many resources to manage stress.

2. The Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale. This is a well-established scale that measures your number of stress-causing life events. It can estimate how likely you are to become ill in the near future.

3. Stress Screener by Mental Health America. A test that feels more fun than the other ones. They provide links to ten tools that can help to manage stress after they calculate your score.

After taking the tests

Sometimes people can feel devastated or shocked when they learn that they are vulnerable to stress, or that they have a high or moderate likelihood of becoming ill because of it. When you’re a high achiever managing multi-million dollar projects, or running a business, or leading staff members, it can be very hard to believe that you can’t get a handle on your own stuff.

If you’re concerned your scores, take comfort that it’s a normal reaction.

Instead of focusing on any potential label or self-judgement because of your result, look at where you can improve. Implement one to three quick, easy wins that won’t add to your stress. For me, I chose to add exercise, mid-day breaks, and more sleep back into my regular routine. Like so many of the people that I talk to, I had cut back in all of those areas thinking it would help me get more done.

The opposite happens as research and our own experiences show. I followed the advice of the experts and self-help books that suggested I ease back into it. The last thing you want to do is completely change what you’re doing. Big lifestyle changes are not what we’re after here. You want to start with small, slow improvements that you gradually increase over time.

It’s simple. But it’s not necessarily easy. I can tell you from my own experience, that stopping work to take a break can be incredibly challenging. The emails and work don’t go away when we step away from our desks. You can get a lot done in 15 minutes. However, research has shown that people who take breaks during the day are more productive and happier than people who don’t. You can read more about that here in my recent post, “3 awesome reasons to take your breaks – even if you don’t want to.”

Same with stopping work to get some exercise in. All of that time seemingly wasted! Not so, particularly if you take walks. They are the “Best kept secret to stop overwhelm and reduce stress”.

Sleep is proving critical to our daily function. More and more research is coming out countering the decades-old assertion that sleep is only time wasted. For more, read “Don’t skimp on sleep: why choosing sleep makes you smarter”.

Taking it further

Leverage the information you learn from the tests. Apply for a strategy session with me. That’s where, even if we never speak again, you’ll walk away knowing what’s really going on for you right now and you’ll know your best next step to take to get more balance.

You might be thinking that you know exactly what’s going on for you and what’s causing your stress and overwhelm. But people who’ve done the strategy session with me have had a-has that there’s something happening at an even deeper level that’s that real cause. Until you set aside that time to find out what that is, especially with a certified coach—someone trained to hear what you say and what you don’t say—you’re bound to keep repeating your cycle.

If you can honestly say that you’re exhausted from juggling everything, you’re tired of being overwhelmed and you don’t want to be OK with that anymore, let’s talk. I invite you to schedule a strategy session.

Take good care of yourself.

The best reasons for you to walk in a park

I had the great fortune this past Easter long weekend to go for three park walks with my daughter. Not only was I getting some valuable mom-daughter time in, I was also beating stress. I share how you can too in the below video.

It’s National Take a Walk in a Park day. A great day to get out and about, even if it’s not all that nice where you live. I do love a walk in the rain and snow.

There is a lot of research that backs up the amazing benefits we get from walking in nature. Never mind that for now though. Think back on the last time you took a walk. How much better did you feel after walking than you did before you started? If you’re like me, you’ll have felt an incredible difference.

Now to the research:

  • Walking in nature lowers stress levels and blood pressure. (source)
  • Simply living close to nature reduces your stress hormone levels. (source)

And if you don’t live or work near nature, you can still use greenery to reduce your stress and have better brain function.

  • Find the greenery that you can in the environment around you: planter boxes, trees, gardens, lawns, a park. Your memory and attention will be better than if you walked through a busy street. (source)
  • Look at pictures of nature. We more quickly recover from a stressful task after looking at naturescapes. (source)
  • The sounds of nature are incredibly helpful as well. Listening to nature can help us recover from a stressful task faster. (source)

So what are you waiting for? Get on out there! For motivation, here are a few shots of one of our days. It was stunning.

Nature walk

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I’d really appreciate it if you shared this post with someone who could use it. Thanks 🙂

Resistance Is Fertile

Spring is upon us. For many that means new beginnings and fresh growth. For others, it means a marathon spring clean is about to happen. For me, it means I may actually consider cleaning my oven. In this guest post from talented coach and friend, Eric Asbeck, he shares how we can cultivate fertile ground for our own personal growth.

fertile ground

Image by Chia Ying Yang used with permission.

Resistance Is Fertile

By Eric Asbeck

Breakthroughs are a key part of your personal growth and building your career or business success.

And you want a successful career or business, right?

Achieving your goals involves trying new things. Let’s be honest, beginning something new is awkward. It’s important to get good teachers and lessons. And it’s also important to practice.

So how do you know which new things will yield the biggest personal growth and create the biggest breakthroughs for your success?

Surprisingly, one place to look is to those things you’re resisting the most.

I have learned that resistance is a magnificent tool for discovering where to find my biggest breakthroughs.

It sounds counter-intuitive, but the higher my resistance, the greater the breakthrough that’s available for me.

When resistance is off the charts, I can consult within myself, gather my support system, declare my intention to them, and step into it.

My biggest breakthroughs have come through embracing my resistance and stepping into it.

I remember vividly the moment when I viscerally embraced this self-truth.

I was in a year-long self-development program. Each quarter the team would elect new officers to manage various roles.

I’d held various roles in the first two quarters. As we entered my third quarter, the first election was for team leader, a role I’d avoided.

People were asked to throw their hat into the ring to be considered. I remember sitting there thinking “no way…” (and more vivid language).

I’d learned through some of my earlier self-development training that resistance was a good guide to where my biggest growth could be.

In this case, my resistance was off the charts. I delayed as one, two, then three others began their pitches to be team leader.

Suddenly a light bulb went on in my head and I raised my hand to be considered. I made my pitch and was elected! Then I sat stunned over what I’d done.

Now here’s the main point: I underwent more personal growth and breakthroughs that quarter than any other I had.

I discovered myself as a leader in ways I’d never found in all my prior leadership and management roles. My coach and their coaches made a point of pulling me aside to make it clear to me where and how I’d grown.

What a revealing experience! From that point on, I’ve grown to deeply respect the incredible value of seeing my resistance as an opening and guide for personal growth.

How about you? Are there things you’re resisting that you know in your gut could be your biggest openings for growth and success?

Do you have a good coach and support system in place to help you through it? Are you ready to embrace your fear or reluctance and act?

Not sure what you want to do? Let’s talk about how you can get crystal clear about what you want to do next, and your best strategic next step. Visit http://www.yournextmoveexpert.com/apply/ to learn more.

©2014-2015 Copyright Eric Asbeck and What Business To Start, LLC

Powerful Peaceful Professional

You simply can’t miss this if you’ve ever…

  • Wanted to find a way to enjoy your family, your kids, or your life without sacrificing your income at work.
  • Felt burned out and just wanted to break free from it all.
  • Desired to build stronger personal relationships but didn’t know where to start.
  • Struggled to maintain a healthy love life with your partner.
  • Been stuck in a dead end job or felt unsatisfied with your current situation in life.

I’m going to be attending and presenting at this summit put on by wellness expert Dr. Carmen Tekwe. Join me!

Here is your direct link: http://thepowerfulpeacefulprofessional.com/erin-acton.